It’s already half of my journey, but I’m getting lost

Photo by Jeremy Bishop on Unsplash

It’s already half of my journey in the intermediate class. So far, so looking bad. I’m starting to feel like I’m drowning in a sea of confusion. The lower I drown, the harder it is for me to take a breath. My vision becomes blurry. I can’t move my body to get out of this tiredness. That’s exactly what I feel across 3 weeks. I’m lost. Lost. Recently I have finished my homework poorly. I don’t understand what is going on in the class. The material about react is too dense for me. It makes me realize my lack of experience. I haven’t code for years. I’m surprised that I’m continuing although I’m left behind by the others. I also feel disappointed in myself. Why I can’t learn new things that fast? Why my brain can work swiftly? If I just can tweak it, maybe I can prevent myself from getting lost. I’m also in a state of confusion. What do I want to achieve? Points? or Knowledge? I don’t know. I just follow the stream until it ends, I guess.

On a scale of 1 to 100%, I will give myself a score of 50% for my hardworking when the class is running. I rate myself that low because I haven’t achieved anything significant. I can’t finish my homework starting from the 3rd week. One of my submissions is submitted later than the actual deadline. I know I should be asking for help. But, I don’t even know which question I want to ask. I’m so lost right now. Even if I read much documentation or watching video tutorials, I can’t stay focus. It’s a burden when your concentration is easily swept away. I hope there is a light telling me where to go, but the light itself has dimmed inside of me. If I can ask a question to other participants, my question will be, “How do I turn on the light when the source has vanished?”

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